My Journey to Self Love

The ability to love oneself deeply and unconditionally takes courage, discipline, dedication and perseverance.

In my experience, the concept of love, let alone self love remained elusive for me into my adulthood. Was it acceptance, safety, comfort? Love always seemed to have conditions in my experience. It may not always be available, it may be taken away.

A combination of traumatic childhood experiences, social conditioning and consistent feedback from those around me trained me to believe that I was not good enough, did not belong and was too flawed to be loved. That led to a string of toxic relationships, lying to myself, taking on more than I could handle and clinging to any form of like or love that came along, even if it was just related to my kind giving nature.

In truth, seeking love from outside of oneself without providing it for yourself can lead to a viscous cycle of seeking validation from others, co-dependence and self sabotage.

My journey to self love has taken my entire life. I remember someone close to me telling me that I needed to learn to see how beautiful I am and suggesting that I look in the mirror and say “I love you”. My attempt to do so was embarrassing. I could barely look at myself, let alone say those words to myself. I have written about my exploration of self care, experience with meditation and yoga as well as energy work. Each one of these tools lent itself to my eventual success in learning to love myself. The process is continual but now, I can say that not only do I look at myself and say I love you with confidence, I catch a glimpse of myself with a pleasant surprise.

This journey may be daunting. It will be a continual journey. The best first step that I can recommend from my own experience is to take your power back. You are responsible for you. No one else should ever have the power to make you feel bad about yourself. We form attachments to those we are raised by, live with and love. We also want to please the people in our life, no matter what role they play. At the end of the day it is important to remember to be patient and kind to ourselves.